Ahhh, Rhetoric

Holy J. Edgar Hoover! The liberals (pronounced 'Lib-rools' by oxycontined out republican talk show hosts) are out of get us! Look over these things to make sure you are a god fearing bible thumping conservative. You may be a conservative if you think the Dixie Chicks pose a threat to national security. You may be a conservative if you think that the media covering the 25 million people in South Africa with AIDS shows their "liberal bias"You may be a conservative if you support banning gay marriage because it would destroy the sanctity and legitimacy of marriage among heterosexuals. Even if more than 5 out of 10 marriages end in divorce. You may be a conservative if place the word freedom infront of every food that starts with F. Freedom Filets, Freedom Falafel, etc...You may be conservative if you think the first president in U.S. history to go AWOL and cut veterans benefits can be a “war hero” because he plays dress up. You may be conservative if you are part of the 50% of Americans who falsely believe at least one of the 9/11 highjackers was Iraqi. You may be a conservative you support "getting tough on drugs" but are silent when it is revealed Limbaugh was dealing pills in the thousands. You may be conservative if you think Toby Keith is REAL country music. You may be a conservative if you think God put George W. Bush in the White House.You may be conservative if you go on and on about “the land of the free” but insist on banning a made for T.V. movie on Ronald Reagan. You may be conservative if you insist on naming everything you see after Ronald Reagan. You may be conservative if you cannot read the words “Congress will pass no law regarding the establishment of religion” printed right at the top of the constitution, in BIG LETTERS. You may be conservative if you feel your brand of morality is suited just fine for everyone else. You may be a conservative if you oppose abortion rights but never adopt the child of a crack addict. You may be conservative if you think invading Iraq has actually improved the United States image in the middle east. You may be conservative if you think Ronald Reagan was the son of god, even when he did that pesky sale of weapons of mass destruction to Iran to finance death squads in central America. You may be conservative if you think macarthyism was simply misunderstood. Finally, You may be a conservative if you find oral sex in the oval office impeachable, but do not think that leading a country to war on false pretenses is. By the way...how did our oil get under their soil?